Trapped in between

to sin, 

discerning of the consequences,

aware of its punishment,

is worse,

than to, 

in ignorance,

which you once were.

and yet, you choose to, still.

were that shame, 

has gone? 

o dear me.

you sure

wont let 

your heart

rot, rusted, hardened

blackened

dont you?

perfect.

that is,

what most of people say,

when they see you.

only you knew how,

'jauh panggang dari api' it is.

*sigh*

sometimes,

feels like i'm livin',

in hypocricy.

yes,

you do remorse,

yes, 

you do regret,

everytime you sin,

then you do tawbah,

cause you know, 

His mercy is greater, than your sins.

but its,

a perpetual cycle.

how can one reach Allah,

when his heart manacled by his low, worldly desires?

to choose,

imaan over the nafs (desires),

is the hardest battle of all.

i am trapped, in between.